sometimes the time comes, where you'll start to think about your life.
this is the point in time, when you come to think of all that you've done in the past.
it brings back all the good memories, bad ones too. also regrets that you're still holding onto.
leaving them be wont do any good, cause they'll hide and eventually they'll resurface again.
like pushing an air-filled balloon into a bucket of water, eventually it'll float up and resurface.
but even if we are able to keep it long enough, it wont do us good.
usually, even after countless number of reminders to not do so.
so often, we are told not to look back, cause they bring us nothing good at all.
yet, we tend to look back on things, and we end up being sad, for the moment. humans, afterall.
most of the time, for me, this happens frequently.
endlessly, unrequited, forever i'll be.
not that much of a fun hobby, but yeah, it cant be helped.
despite it all, i try not to be sad and hurt myself.
in the end, i have others to consider beside myself.
now knowing it would make them be happy.
gets my purpose going, like a train running empty on coal, forcing itself to run.
being someone who's just giving and not asking for anything back.
real happiness? or just making oneself to be happy, just aslong as others are?
only god knows, but i guess we just want them to be happy. for aslong as they are, we are.
kinda like a sense of self accomplishment. dont you think?
entirely putting aside all those thoughts and desires you have.
not giving in to them, and completely giving in yourself to being unrequited. i dont know?
perfection, isnt what one should aim in life.
its quite important, that one should learn to be contented and blessed.
eventually, even through that, we still find ourselves wanting more.
cause it just dont seem fair to you, that you can have what you yearned for.
eventually, some people choose to forget, some choose to grow cold, while some just remain.
so yes, its a complicated thing, even for myself. and i do not know what to do.
often, you'll hear people with problems.
for there is noone who is without them, everyone has a story to tell.
this story that they tell, might be bout their loved ones, their family, their friends, etc.
how the story goes, is up to us to solve them.
even through our friends advice, it is up to us.
life is hard, we all know that.
it takes through a journey of ups and downs.
for the moment, the downs it brings, seemed like an eternity.
eventually people will say, keep holding on, it gets better as time comes.
i hope it does too. if not, then oh well. we'll just see.
hoping and yearning for it wont bring you anywhere.
and so to avoid dissapointing oneself.
do we pretend to carry on and hope everything will be fine?
but eventually your close friends will find out.
every single detail that you hid from the truth.
finally, all will be known to them, once it erupts and takes the toll on you.
only through confiding in someone, we renew ourselves.
removing all thats needed to say.
eventually and unfortunately, the cycle continues.
"so sorry, i cant help it but to look at you in your eyes and smile"
